U F O

He didn't like being called Elvis, but that's what his mother had insisted upon naming him, long before he was conscious of anything and his father was such a jerk he just went along with the whole idea and then disappeared from the scene.

Having been abducted by aliens hadn't helped matters, either.

Not that the abduction was totally bad, since the nanoprobes implanted in his body during the alien's exploratory surgery had actually cured his asthma. The proof was right there in his mother's bathroom medicine cabinet: year-old prescription bottles full of unused pills. Additionally, the aliens had given him a new pair of Nikes, and a nice watch in compensation for harvesting a few of Elvis' organs. At least, that what Elvis's mother chose to believe. It also helped explain why he had lost sight in one eye, at the hand of evil aliens, instead of his mother's abusive boyfriend. Fortunately, the authorities were unable to see the truth about UFOs, and had arrested the boyfriend and thrown him into prison.

Elvis got to keep the shoes and watch.

.