Tuesday, March 21, 2006

archeology in a time stamp

if they unearth this blog in the year 2120 will they find a bunch of ones and zeros or even a pattern that is discernible in the vastness of time and space or will it be a quizzical look at the simple scratchings of one of a billion human ones and zeros that made up the year two thousand and six

7 4 9 2

when the dust blows away what will they say about the flesh and bones that breathed and walked and wondered about beauty and love and all those inconsequential matters that were so very, very important at the time and then like the morning mist were gone along with the thoughts and the hopes and the seconds that made up the moments that were all that became the flesh and the bones and the heart that would beat one day after the next until the never replaced the now until the begining was just the end.

Confessions

She said it was about sadness. And yet she could feign such a beautiful smile. And her lips were so perfect. And I looked as far as I could and all I saw was a picture of beauty distorted by the mirror. Was the mirror my eyes? I wondered just who it was that was looking back at me. One human to another. Just who was this person born in a small town raised in a desperate way opening the doors with just one heart wishing that tomorrow would be so different wondering why it worked out like this writing poetry alone in her room listening to the baby cry. Listening to her baby cry. Above us all, the universe looked down. Above us all, this universe suspended in sky, a vastness reminding us we are real, looked down. And yet, she could feign such a beautiful smile.

Friday, March 17, 2006

witnessing the expansion of a blood vessel seldom observed

She would walk home in the rain, risking rape and who knows what to prove her point. Nothing would get in the way of the wall of rage that filled her brain. Nothing would stop her from being mad. Not his repeated requests to get back in the car, not the whistles of the of men in the passing truck, not the rain. Tonight would be a celebration of anger. Tonight would be a point proved at the expense of the future. There would be no turning back. A thousand days of hope would evaporate and leave behind the brittle dry pavement of regret mixed with pride. A surface so hard, it breaks your fall like a brick. And when you fall, you fall with both eyes open and the end comes with a clarity you never imagined. Tonight would be such a night.
If Susanna could ride a horse, she would, because her mother wanted it. But she was afraid of horses. They were big and massive, and like her mother's horse, Trajan, sometimes mean and unpredictable. It was Trajan who had crushed her father's foot. Whenever she tried feeding Trajan when she was younger, he would ignore her, as if she didn't exist. Susanna’s father, an equine veterinarian, had often observed how much alike horse and rider became over time. He had made a fortune healing the expensive show horses of San Diego county, allowing him to provide his family with everything his money could buy. He had recently given his wife a Porsche Cayenne, in which she could drive to the country club and golf with her friends. He gave Susanna a new laptop to take away to college. He gave her brother, Austin, a trip to South Padre Island for spring break. It was Austin who had mixed alcohol and drugs and returned home a vegetable. Her mother blamed her father, even though it was she who had ordered the plane tickets from Expedia and packed condoms in Austin's bag.

Tomorrow, Susanna would be driven to the airport and return to Wharton, to continue the pretense of her life. Tonight she was at home with Austin. Her parents had left her to care for him, while they attended a dinner honoring the president of the Del Mar Equine Breeders Club’s. Her father hated the man, because he had undermined his practice in the late 90’s forcing him into early retirement. Susanna didn’t care. Austin couldn’t care, because he had the perception of a five year old. Susanna left him inside to watch reruns of The OC, and walked down the path toward the stable. Up ahead, she could see the large dark shadow of Trajan at the edge of the fence. How she wished for him to like her, to gently take a carrot from her hand, to accept her for who she was. As she neared, the faint glow of moonlight outlined Trajan’s massive frame. She cautiously held out her hand, and Trajan stepped backwards, not out of fear, but defiance. He had never understood this frail little being before him. He never would. Inside the house, Austin was startled by a loud snap of a sound that momentarily disrupted his focus on the pretty girls in the beer commercial.

The next day, upon returning from the airport, Susanna’s father would discover a pistol missing from the den. Much to her horror, Susanna’s mother would discover the depth of her daughter’s hatred.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

We love sunshine

But sunshine burns our noses. Conversely, it makes plants grow. But, it makes us go blind if we stare at it way too long. Alternately, it warms this planet and is accountable for all life sustained thereupon. But, it gets really hot sometimes and we sweat and our arm pits look wet. However, it does have a gravitational pull that causes the entire solar system to function properly. But, without the ozone layer, it can cause cancer. We love sunshine.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

It's snowing


does anybody care?




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does anybody care?

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Enormous Nothing

The leaves moved across the sand like lizards until there were no more leaves and only the soft sound of countless specks of former mountains tumbling in slow-motion along the never-never. David Kngwarreye stood silently in the sun. Today would be a better day, of this the birds had sung. Sky would turn to water, snakes would dance in the wind, and David would cross the Kakadu in bare feet like his ancestors before him. Tomorrow would be his death. Of this, he was sure. But today stretched before him like eternity and that would be a good thing. He was alive for today, and that was a good thing.